This Christmas I was given an unexpected gift. Now I wish I could tell you that I found out we were pregnant.. but nope that’s not it (bummer right??) Before Christmas I had blood work done to prepare for IVF and it came back with elevated hormone levels so they wanted to recheck. When the next set of blood work I did a few days later came back with the same high levels, they told me we couldn’t start IVF for at minimum a month so they could get those hormones under control and normal. Due to the fact that I have never had this problem in the 2 years of blood work I’ve done, my doc told me to stop taking ALL of the medications I was on.. all of them.. and he wanted to test my levels one more time after Christmas.
I know what you are thinking.. where is the gift in all of that?? Well my gift was that after all the meds finally left my system, I became ME again!!! I forgot what it was like to have a clear head and feel like my normal, happy, bouncing off the walls, self! And not to toot my own horn but.. I’m pretty awesome! haha For a solid week while I spent Christmas with my family, I got to be the Danae that everyone has always known me to be and I needed that badly. I got a reminder of the true person who started this journey and how much fight and determination I still have in me. As crazy as it sounds, it was good to know for sure that I haven’t lost myself along the way.
I had to go do the blood work this morning that will determine if we get to continue with IVF prep for January. No matter what the outcome, I know I can handle what happens and that everything will be okay. When you have to get stuck with a needle and your husband is working and your mom is out of town, your teddy bear comes to the rescue! Here is a pic of Cody holding my arm to comfort me this morning –>
This Soul Food song was inspired by my clear head and determination that everything really is going to be okay. My parents introduced me to it and I’ve been obsessed! I seriously can not say enough great things about it. Not only does it have a beat that immediately draws you in when the song starts but they absolutely nailed it with the lyrics. It makes me feel like the song and everyone in it is giving me a hug every time I listen to it. 🙂
There is a line they emphasize that says, “so fight for your life” and it is SO incredibly powerful to me. Battling with infertility has become a fight for control over my life in every way you can think of. But the thing is.. I’m not just fighting for my life, I’m fighting for the lives of my future children. Even though its been month after month of heartbreak, I’m still going fight for them everyday. I know I have more hard months ahead of me but things like this song help me to remember, “It’s gonna be OKAY!”
I have probably listened to this song on repeat about 1000 times and I don’t think its possible to get sick of it. I’m including all of the lyrics below because I couldn’t pick just one part to share. The whole thing is perfect. Oh! and guess whos learning more about things you can add into blog posts?? This girl! 😀 So I’m also adding the music video below the lyrics because.. well.. I learned how and I can! Hooray for me! Its such a happy and uplifting video and we don’t share enough happy things in this world. Get ready to play this on repeat! ♥
Its Gonna Be OKAY – The Piano Guys
“Doubt is a broken record that plays inside my head.
I try to turn it down, but I can’t quite drown it out.
I’m tortured everyday, these never ending worries,
Pulling on my sleeves.
So many times now I was supposed to tap out.
All the walls would fall down around me,
All anybody would tell me,
Is all that bad news, how it’s gonna fall through.
But no matter what they say, oh what they say,
It’s gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!
It’s gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!
No matter what you’ve been through, here you are.
No matter if you think you’re falling apart.
It’s gonna be OKAY!
And there is a battle raging in your heart but, you must win.
It comes for all of us, saying we are not enough.
So fight for your life, the worlds gonna try,
To sell you some lies.
So many times now, I was supposed to tap out.
All the walls would fall down around me,
All anybody would tell me is all that,
Bad news, how it’s gonna fall through,
But no matter what they say, oh what they say,
It’s gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!
It’s gonna be, gonna be, OKAY!
No matter what you’ve been through, here you are,
No matter if you think you’re falling apart.
It’s gonna be OKAY!”
Hooray for comments!